Now some of you might wonder what really goes on in my twisted mind. I'm actually a very complicated person. There are strange factors that play a role in my everyday living and some factors that are just downright weird. Hopefully you'll understand me better after this.
1. I hate people, but also love them
Strange huh? You know introverts and extroverts? I'm a mixture of both. I love being on my own and just thinking about and doing stuff instead of going out to parties. BUT when I actually go to parties I'm suddenly very happy. I like interacting with people and you might call me a people person of all things. I'm almost always the center of conversation when chilling with friends while deep down I'd rather be alone.
2.I always try to impress people
Whenever I do something, anything for that matter, I always try and impress someone. Whether it's playing drums or writing on this blog I always want people to take notice of me. I want to be famous at one point in my life. To have people listen to me and admire me is what I strive for
3. I always want to be better than other people
If I see a drummer I instantly think "O I can top that" when in truth I actually suck compared to them. In games too. When I see a friend closing in on me in regards to rank I do my best to top them no matter what which is actually pathetic. There is always this niggel in the back of my mind telling me "I can be the best" and that usually flatlines as fast as it happened.
4. I see things others won't because I'm a realist
When someone else looks at a teenage couple they think 'Awww they are going to be together forever...lolololol" when in my mind I think "Sheesh that's the third one this month. This bloody relationship won't work out worth a shit because they frankly hate each other, but don't want to admit it. The guy has been known to cheat on his girlfriends so what's stopping him from doing it again.". Shit like that.
5. I see the stupid in things.
Mainly in mainstream music. Has anyone that listens to this ever looked at the lyrics? It's LAME. Also with my religion. When people say "You have to be a better person because God told you to and you need to reject everything evil because that might dissatisfy him" or whatever. I usually think " What? So I need to change who I am and lose all me uniqueness because God told me to? I won't worship a God that is judgmental you can forget about it"
6. I'm very deep
Stuff like poetry and great stories touch me. Don't call me gay because it's something the world needs to see more. I can close my eyes and listen to instrumentals for hours while making up stories in place of lyrics.When I play a game with a great story it can sometimes move me to tears (which happened BTW) That's why I don't play multiplayer because I'm a sucker for great stories
I see the beauty in things like a summer rain or a delicate flower and while I almost never show it because it conflicts with number 2 on this list. It's sad that I have to hide it because I love expressing my feelings and I never can because society has labeled people like that to be "gay" and "lame"
7. I'm a procrastinator
If you don't know what a procrastinator is , it's basically someone who puts things off most of the time. That is me. If I can do my math homework tomorrow morning I will. If a project needs to be done I'll wait for the day before before I complete it. It's actually a frieken sickness. If I take no interest in something I usually leave it for the last minute.
8. I am EXTREMELY self-conscious
As some of you might know I'm fat. I take massive embarrassment in it because I take what other people think of me seriously because of number 2 again. I never want to be seen without a T-shirt because I'm ashamed of how I look. I won't even take it off in front of my own family which proves how bad it is.
If I have a pimple as big as the moon I'm hiding behind a wall. If I even think my crack is showing I will pull up my pants to avoid embarrassment. In short I will do anything not to be embarrassed at all. Even when someone asks me to stop swearing my face turns red. This is why I hate school so much because the teachers embarrass me in front of my peers and why I hate stages. If I dance for any occasion at all I keep wondering if I'm jiggling too much or I may look retarded so I prefer not to dance at all. It's engraved into my psyche and I can't stop it no matter how many times people tell me "your perfect just as you are" and shit..
This is the main reason why I don't want to do things that people want me to do like f**king rock climbing or ice skating
If you put it all together you may see I have a very complicated mind and personality. Just thought I'd share. That is all
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