This is has been bothering me for months now. I've noticed my life has gone completely to shit in a time frame of about a year. It's becoming so bad I can't keep it off my mind anymore so I thought I might as well spill it on my pointless blog.
This all started about a year ago as I stated mainly when we moved from Ladysmith. Before that life was an absolute blast. I went to rAge and jammed Guitar Hero an entire weekend and had what I consider the best time of my life. I played Halo 3 every night with a woman I knew very well (Tanya Snyman) and we talked about all types of things. If I had problems she would always cheer me up and vice versa.
Target Practice was still going strong a while before that. All my great friends were still in the clan and we chatted to early mornings sometimes. We were like a band of brothers, never gave up and never left a fellow brother hung up. All the guys loved me and I was quite good back then. We played some clan games and I always kept morale up and we won most of the time.
My friends at school (LHS) were also brilliant. There was always a party at my house on Weekends and boy did we party. We played Guitar Hero pissed drunk, had sleep over's, pool parties, birthday parties you name it we did it. I had one great friend which I still consider my best friend in my life and his name is Wessel. I remember we had a weekend to just chill and just the two of us because my family went to Joburg. We ordered Scooters the whole day and just jammed games till we couldn't anymore.
No-one was exceptionally good at games back then. We all played CoD 4 and W@W and we had a damn good time playing. There were one or two guys that were legendary and were respected by us players. There were some conflicts, but we just shrugged it off.
It was a great time, a historic time, a rememberable time.
Now it gets f**king depressing. Get your tissues and I'll get my razor blades. I'll be sorting the shit storm in a timeline.
Before the move:
Target Practice kind of broke up. Everyone left and the clan was torn apart. All my friends moved on or something and to this day I don't hear from them at all.
On the move:
I left without saying goodbye properly. I assumed my line would be up by the first month I moved to Pretoria. It was also pretty kak saying goodbye to all my buddies and leaving the little town. I underestimated how great Ladysmith really was...
Just before we moved into the new house:
First few weeks were all good. We stayed in a bed and breakfast and we had quite a bit of money so I was buying a few games and a few metal albums, watched a few movies etc.
Right when we moved in:
It was hard work to move everything into the house, but I was used to it already. Once everything got settled I looked forward to starting a new life in this new metropolis. Then it hit. On Christmas Eve R55 000 worth of shit got stolen and we didn't feel safe at all after that. I slept with a butcher knife under my pillow and that is not a joke.
The consecutive months after we moved:
We had an alarm installed so we felt some safety. Insurance paid out and we had some new stuff. My mom and I went to Telkom to find out if we can get a line installed. They said there aren't any lines in our area. My heart sank as I came to realize I wouldn't be talking to my buddies any time soon.
We decided to wait and see if they will install lines in our area before going wireless. A few months passed and we became tight financially because of debt. No wireless internet then. 7 months passed after that. 7 f**king months people. For a person that's entire passion and friendship laid in a simple thing like internet this was a big f**king deal.
So with no internet I decided to make the best of the time I had at school. Man was that a f**k up. It was absolutely horrible to even go to school sometimes. Why you ask? Well to put it quite frankly people were f**ked up. Remember all those sappy American Highschool flicks with the cliques (Jocks, nerds, homo's, lonely people, stupid people, necrophiliacs) it was exactly like that.
For me this was totally new. On my first day some assclown asked me if I think I'm big (In actual Afrikaans words: Dink jy jy's groot huh?) in a very arrogant way. I thought WTF because this has never happened to me before when I went to a new school. Everyone just made friends with me and I made friends with them. I had nobody to sit with on break time for a whole week...
One day I read my Metal Hammer magazine in class and some guy took interest in me. I started hanging out with them, but that went to shit pretty soon too. After about 2 weeks I came to realize nobody really listened to me at all. I was literally just standing there eating my sandwich. F**king pathetic. They were partying every weekend which I was never invited to, smoking dope and being asses so I decided to leave that group.
Then I met some other people that are in the supposed "Nerd" group. They are cool guys, but a little too goodie tooshoe for my liking, but nonetheless I chilled with them because I didn't have another alternative. They are my friends today, but I still miss not being able to smoke, drink, and talk kak etc. with them because they are TOO well mannered.
You see I always say the people in my school are either too f**ked up or too well mannered. I am in that grey area and so far I haven't met someone that is in that grey area along with me. I had those types of friends in Ladysmith and I miss that more than a fat kid misses his cupcake.
After the aforementioned 7 months I finally got my iBurst. Boy was I in for a surprise. People got SO good in the games I played that it's not even funny. I was getting killed in ways I didn't even know existed and 3/4 of the match I was dead. The Xbox community was so broken up I didn't even feel to make a contribution.
These days every time I enter a game there is always one assclown ruining it for me and I usually get pissed and switch my console off. I get my ass whipped every time I play and that pisses me off. And the iBurst UberLag doesn't help my fucking case either. It's like I was stuck in a teleporting machine jeez. Overnight people suddenly became D-bags. No meaningful conversation in sight and it was all serious like we were playing a fucking clan match.
Present day:
Well basically I'm playing Halo all by myself because every time I join a game with a buddy it LAGS like crazy and the communication is fucked. I hardly go out anymore because no-one cares to invite me. My love-life is virtually non-existent because it's all about who is in 1st rugby team and has a six pack and all the great girls are taken not that I had a chance anyway. I have no contact with old friends and I wonder if they know I'm still alive. I'm wasting away in my room doing nothing meaningful with my life. I don't even care to write anymore because all I think is "no-one is going to read and understand this anyway". I am piss poor and can't buy anything for myself
So in conclusion my life had faded from a bright burning star into fuckall. If you're the religious type I would ask you to pray for me because it had never been this bad. If you're not religious please just think about me for a minute and understand that I went through hell this past time.
That is all. Please stop crying
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