I've always hated hospitals. Just a bunch of sick people and grieving family members waiting for their sickling to die. For a brief moment I was almost thankful that my folks were gone. Even if they were alive, they would resent me because of my life as a rockstar. Hell, I've always thought I would go out in spectacular fashion. Jump from a speaker and break my head or OD on heroin in the middle of an arena show. Now I'm laying in this stupid bed waiting to die.
It wouldn't have been so bad if my band didn't break up and forgot about me. No girlfriend either. I was never really interested in love at all. To me it was all fake and nonsensical and a massive waste of time. So here I am Death, take me already!
2 weeks have passed. Nurses come and go not saying a word. It didn't even seem like anyone cared about me. Dr. Oswald came a few times, but when I wanted to talk to him his stupid pager went off and he went running off. I was truly alone in my final days. I never imagined it like this.
One morning, when I was sitting there resisting the urge to beat myself to death with heart rate monitor, another bed came rolling in. They put the bed next to mine for some reason. Probably stuffing us cancer patients in a box and leaving us. The nurse moved away so that I can see. There she was. Still asleep. The most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. What is she doing here? She can't be dying can't she? No, that's impossible.
She slept until early evening. I was there, staring at her. Finally she woke up. Like a dumb teenage boy accidentally making eye contact with his crush I quickly looked away. She laid there quietly, not making a sound. I glimpsed at her a few times. It looked like she was crying.
2 hours passed, quiet, total silence. Then I thought I was going to die right that second because I could have sworn I heard an angel. "So... What's your name?" I sat there blushing like an idiot and forgot what my name was. "Ben" I said. "That's a cool name, Ben. I'm Jane. Nice to meet you". She looked at me for the first time. Her blue eyes pierced my soul and illuminated me. She gave this small smile that wanted me to think that there is nothing wrong with this world. "So what you in for?" She giggled at her own joke. Death sentence I thought and laughed as well.
"Brain cancer, not fun I suppose. Told me I've got three months to live", I said. "Three months huh? Guess we've got a lot in common because you just described me as well" Same illness, same timeline. How is this even possible? Could it be fate? No, that would be stupid.
"Hey, Jane, I'm curious why isn't anyone here with you? A family? A beautiful woman like you must have a boyfriend?". "None of those. My family died a long time ago and I was never interested in a boyfriend... I am lonely now though" Another thing in common.
We started talking every day for hours upon hours. About life, about love, about death. We both know we are going to face it soon so we might as well talk about it. She was scared and I comforted her. She had questions and I tried to answer. I could swear that I was falling in love with this woman. A little late for that I reckoned.
It went on like this for weeks. We talked about each other's past, sparring no secrets. Why keep secrets when you are going to die soon anyway? We were happy for the first time in our lives. We cared for one another, laughed at each other's jokes, knew everything about each other. We were perfect together.
I asked that they bring me my guitar. I had to do something. For Jane. I sang her a song:
I have to tell you something sweet angel of mine
Listen closely to my voice
One wish I have in this world
Vanity is radiated by your every breath
Enough has crossed us in this world
You are the last thing I have
Only one thing I could wish for
Us as one
She cried with a smile. I smiled back.
2 months and 13 days went past as fast as lighting. Then, on one cold night she whispered to me "Ben... I'm cold...get in this bed". The nurses were talking about the newest episode of Desperate Housewives so they were pretty occupied. I crept over to her bed, careful not to disconnect the heart rate monitor. I was pretty weak at that point so it was a huge effort to get in the bed. But I kept thinking that it's worth it.
This is the first time we touched each other. Her hand folded into mine in an instant. We stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like hours. She was smiling the whole time we laid there.
She whispered to me again. "Kiss me. We can leave this world together. We were meant to be soulmates"
We kissed. The only moment in my life where I was completely happy. Suddenly the promise of death didn't feel so scary. We had love and that's all we needed. We fell asleep in each other's arms that night. Guess the episode of Desperate Housewives was THAT good.
I woke up with a smile. She was blue. This isn't right. She opened her eyes. Those blue piercing eyes. She muttered something to me "I'll see you soon" She closed her eyes and the heart rate monitor went flat. "Jane? Jane! JANE!" I started screaming, but without hope. The nurses came in and took me from her. I was fighting, but I was too weak. She was gone. Nothing they can do.
They took her away shortly after. I was sobbing like a baby, but for what? I knew that she was going to die soon. I just wished we could have gone together. I came to my senses and realized that she must have been sicker than me when she came here. Now I have no-one. Alone once again.
All reassurance I had was the words she said to me. See you soon. I hanged on to that idea while I was waiting to die. I felt worse every day. I didn't feel like this when Jane was here. I was suddenly in excruciating pain.
Dr. Oswald came in to check on me. I begged him to just give me an overdose of Morphine as my last wish. He refused at first, but I kept on begging. He finally gave in and gave it to me. I was silently slipping away. I saw her face in my last moment. My angel.
I'm here.
